This will be short, so if the words “vagina”, “period”, “tampon” or “advertising” upset you it won’t last long. So either strap in, or don’t read, or read and have a slightly queasy stomach for the rest of the day.

Here’s a thing that has been annoying me for a long time.  According to the advertisers, and the people for whom they are advertising, my vagina is a disgusting thing.  It SWEATS. And it SMELLS.  And these things are SO revolting, not just to me, not just to my partner, but to the world AT LARGE, that I must do something about it.  I must buy a product to disguise these smells.  I need to buy a deodoriser.  I need to buy sanitary pads that have “odour neutralising pearls” in them (let’s ignore the princess language here – yes my vagina is so special I give it pearls! Precious pearls! Which stop it STINKING) which will take away the awful stench of menstrual blood which follows me around like a dark viscous cloud once a month.

Of course if I use these products, the likelihood is I will get bacterial vaginosis and then my vagina really will smell.  Not like it’s supposed to, but bad, because advertisers and people who want to make money have told me that what it’s supposed to smell like is an awful thing that must be covered.  And the result is an infection which smells bad.  So I’ll have to use their products to cover up… Oh.  Oh I see what they’re doing.  Right.  Got it.  They’re creating a need for their product by the use of their product.

When do they bring in deodorisers for men’s sweaty balls?


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